Expect The Best, Plan For The Worst

Let's face it...life is challenging.  In our youth, we all start out with high hopes, great expectations and the best of intentions, but then, as the realities of life and age set in, we often find ourselves simply going through the motions to get through each day as it comes.  Responsibilities weigh on us and our commitments (often self-imposed) begin to alter the quality of life we had dreamed of.  Instead of vacations to Italy, art lessons and a second home on the beach, we find ourselves struggling to make ends meet, provide care for a parent with dementia and our grown children moving back in.   The sad fact is that most of us are at a point where we are exhausted, overloaded with responsibility and responding to life in a reactionary mode rather than being proactive. 


I believe that one of the nicest things we can do for ourselves is to put a plan of action together for our future.  It is much easier to survive a time of crisis if we have already done the legwork, educated ourselves and made some informed decisions before all of our control is taken away.  For instance, if you have an elderly parent that is struggling and you know that a move to assisted living is looming somewhere in the future, don't wait until they take a serious fall and the doctor says they won't release them from the hospital unless they go directly to assisted living.  Instead, start investigating what assisted living entails, the different types of communities and how the care will be paid for.  Learn what your options are and make some preliminary choices before it's needed.  


This plan of action fits into every category of our lives.  Whether it's financial planning, managing our health or building relationships, a little forethought can reduce your worries about the future and improve your quality of life in the present. ~ Becky Feola

Anxious about your future or that of your aging parents?  Take that first step and start learning what you can do now!

Women Helping Women

Boomers And Their Aging Parents

Saturday October 15th, 2011
9:00 am - 1:00 pm

Shepherd of the Hills UCC Church
5524 E. Lafayette Blvd
Phoenix, AZ 85015

For more information, please call (877) 922-8332 ext. 22

“The future belongs to those who prepare for it today.”    ~ Malcom X

 

Becky Feola is the owner and founder of Assisted Living Advantage. Assisted Living Advantage provides families and individuals with counseling, evaluation, and placement services to those in need of or with loved ones in need of assisted living or residential elder care. Feola regularly hosts educational seminars to help others to make the right decisions for their own families. To learn more about services available or to check the seminar schedule, visit www.assistedlivingadvantage.com.

 

Identifying Stages Of Dementia

In working with families facing the need to place a loved one in assisted living, I have found that the majority of these potential residents have some degree of dementia.  What I find interesting is that so many family members inaccurately describe the symptoms and severity of the dementia.  This is understandable.  I, myself, was in situation of being my husband's primary caregiver and when he was placed into an assisted living community, they were amazed at how severe his dementia was.  For me, I had become so accustomed to the behaviors, I could not see it for myself.  While it is always recommended to consult with your loved one's physician for a formal diagnosis, here is a brief list of symptoms you can use to identify what level of dementia your loved one may be at.   ~ Becky Feola

Early Dementia

• Recent memory loss begins to affect normal function
• Confusion
• Loss of spontaneity, spark, or zest for life; depression may be present
• Loss of initiative; can’t start anything
• Mood/personality changes; anxiousness about symptoms, keeps to oneself
• Poor judgment; bad decision making
• Takes longer with routine chores
• Trouble handling money/paying bills

Moderate Dementia

• Increasing memory loss and confusion, shorter attention span
• Problems recognizing close friends/family
• Repetitive statement/movements
• Restlessness, especially in late afternoon or night (“sun downing”)
• Occasional muscle twitches or jerking
• Perceptual-motor problems
• Problems organizing thoughts or thinking logically
• Can’t find right words; makes up stories to fill in the blanks
• Problems with reading, writing, and numbers
• May be suspicious, irritable, fidgety, teary, or silly
• Loss of impulse control; won’t bathe, trouble dressing, wears 2-3 layers of clothing

Severe Dementia

• Can’t recognize family or self
• Loses weight even with proper diet
• Little capacity for self-care
• Can’t communicate verbally
• May put everything in mouth or touch everything
• Can’t control bowel or bladder
• May have difficulty with seizures, swallowing, skin breakdown, infections

Becky Feola

Founder and Assisted Living Counselor

Assisted Living Advantage

(480) 419-4202

www.assistedlivingadvantage.com

Caring for Caregivers

I don't think there's any more appropriate use of the  airplane metaphor--the one about placing your own oxygen mask on your face before your child's -- than that of being a caregiver.   Caregivers often forget to breathe deeply.  Caregivers have high rates of both physical and emotional dis-ease.  And it's no wonder.  It's exhausting and demanding.  But like other life challenges, it's also an opportunity for growth.  Whatever else it may be (and each person's situation is unique), to be a caregiver, to take on the responsibility of managing many aspects of the life of a parent, especially when one feels overwhelmed by other responsibilities, requires self care.   The following list provides some suggestions:

-Physical self care. Exercise, eat healthy meals and get plenty of sleep; have regular check-ups with trusted physicians and dentists and attend promptly to any necessary treatments and procedures.

-Spiritual Conditioning.  Nurture a faith life.  Utilize prayer, meditation or twelve step programs.

-Address your emotional needs.  Use counselors and therapists to help work through past resentments, to cope with a wide range of emotions, to set limits, and to learn some new skills. Use a spiritual director or clergy person to help deepen your faith life.

-Develop a trusting relationship with a financial advisor (and your parent's financial advisor) and be sure your own finances are well managed.  Have a financial plan that includes long term care insurance and know what your reasonable limits are for assisting family members.

-Be sure you have your own will and trust in order, and educate yourself about your parent's will.  If they haven't put their "affairs in order", your doing yours is a good time to discuss their doing theirs.  Even if you have prepared well for end of life, seek expert advice about putting closure on all the details. 

-Educate yourself about whatever disabilities or diseases your parent may be suffering; learn how to prevent a medical crisis and about resources available to you --online resources, agencies, health care providers, etc.  

-Be aware of the signs which indicate it might be time for your parents to downsize.  If and when it is time to consider moving into a retirement community or assisted living facility, utilize the expertise of a professional specialist who can not only provide a wealth of information about communities, but can help address many aspects of this major life transition.  

-Keep connected to a caring community--church, synagogue, neighborhood, club, etc.

-Make time for other relationships which nurture you and let go of relationships that drain you.  If you are in a couple relationship, be sure to "protect" it by setting aside specific time for relaxation and play.

-Share meals with friends!

-Identify people, places and activities which bring you joy. Make them priorities.  You NEED these in your life!

-Hire help for what you can afford and don't have to do yourself.  This includes cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc.  

-Set limits with other people regarding what you are able to do.  

-If there are other family members involved in sharing responsibilities, be collaborative, organize family meetings and provide a structure for ongoing communication.  

-Push yourself out into new places or your world might become too small.  Find places to awaken your spirit and sense of adventure.  

-Laugh, Breathe......

Jane Davis, licensed professional counselor  

9260 E. Raintree Dr. Ste. 130, Scottsdale, AZ 85260  

480-443-2566

General estate documents

Many of us have undertaken or anticipate undertaking the care of our aging parents. Although it may be difficult to discuss end of life issues with our loved ones, such discussions and pre-planning are essential. Understanding your loved ones wishes with regard to such things as healthcare, living arrangements, long term care, end of life medical treatment, finances, and asset distribution can provide great guidance and comfort as you attempt to honor and carry out those wishes. 

It is also important to ensure that your loved ones have the necessary estate planning documents in place in order to avoid unnecessary court involvement as you carry out those wishes. Four essential estate planning documents your loved one should have are:

1. Durable Financial power of attorney

2. Health care power of attorney

3. Living will

4. Will 

Discuss long term care and end of life wishes directly with your loved one and family while he or she is still able to express such wishes and prepare and sign the necessary documents to assist you in caring out those wishes. Having these discussions and making sure the proper documents are in place will provide you the security to know that you are in the best position to care for and protect your love one and your loved one’s assets.

Hillary Gagnon, Esq. 

The information provided in this post  is offered for informational purposes and does not offer legal advice to readers about specific situations. You should consult an attorney for advice regarding your individual situation.

Why Your Parents Need Your Help

Many of my clients in their late 50’s and early 60’s are become more involved in their parent’s financial matters. This is important, and it would be better if they became involved even earlier… before there is a problem.

In one case, as dad became ill his daughter started helping mom with the bills and finances. They realize dad had neglected to make his last premium payments for over a year on a life insurance policy he had for over 20 years. By the time they discovered the problem, it was too late. The policy had lapsed. Dad passed away a year later. It was a costly mistake… over $100,000 in missed benefits.

In once study done, they asked a simple question to those in their 50’s. If a lottery pot was at $2 million, and 5 people had winning tickets, how much would each person get? (The correct answer is $400,000.) Between 50-60% of those in their 50’s answered correctly. When that same question is asked to a group of 90 year olds, only 10% get the correct answer. Cognitive abilities diminish with age and it becomes more difficult for someone to gauge the right trade-offs when it comes to financial decisions.

It is important to become involved in a caring and loving way. To do so, you need to have knowledge of financial matters yourself, and it’s important to have your own financial matters in order so you offer thoughtful assistance. 

Dana Anspach

The double decker sandwich generation

The term "sandwich generation" applies to adult children taking care of parents and kids.  The term "double decker sandwich generation" refers to adult children taking care of parents/grandparents and/or kids/grandkids.

Is this applicable to you? 

Do you have thoughts like "how am I going to manage my day when I have to visit my parent in the nursing home and still get my kids to practice?"  "I'm the only person alive that has to deal with my parent being so bad in the living facility."  "My kids need my attention but my parent is older and can't get around on their own."

If you have these thoughts, and many others, we invite you to our free event.  You can hear presentations on 6 different topics and talk with professionals that can help you, all at no cost to you.

You aren't alone, we're here to help.

WHW Professional Group